RANDOMNESS 3

Yet another story. Fun!
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Cesium: Today, I'll be GRADING your science fair project! Let's see what you've got! First up is Terbium!
Terbium: Today, I did a project called "Which teacher reacts most violently to a spitball?" I spat spitballs at my teacher for 10 days in a row.
day 1 - got a warning
day 2 - got a detention
day 3 - got a detention
day 4 - got a detention
day 5 - got a detention
day 6 - got a detention
day 7 - got a referral to the principal's office
day 8 - got sent home
day 9 - got a parent-teacher conference
day 10 - got suspended
conclusion: spitting spitballs at teachers are a good idea
Cesium: That is the stupidest science fair project EVER. Also it's about spitballs. DETENTION FOR YOU! What have you got, Holmium?
Holmium: Holy holmium! I forgot to do mines!
Cesium: Well, you just failed science class. Next up is Barium!
Barium: It was about FIREWORKS!
Cesium: ...and?
Barium: I DESTROYED things with fireworks!
Cesium: I do not APPROVE at all! A BIG FAT ZERO, BARIUM! AND A DETENTION!
Barium: Cesium...
Cesium: Uh, anyways, next up is Rubidium and Strontium, who worked together on a project.
“WHICH ISOTOPE OF FRANCIUM MAKES THE BEST EXPLOSION IN WATER? by rubidium n’ strontium”
cesium: rubidium, strontium, free detentions for you two. francium is no joke. and you, oxygen?
Oxygen: I did a boring project about soils and plants. However, it's not completely boring; I included an extra plant pot; a plant pot with marijuana with it!
cesium: oxygen, you're going to go to the authorities, and… a SUSPENSION.
Oxygen faints.
Cesium: Dysprosium?
dysprosium runs away, like expected.
Cesium: I'll take that as a "I didn't do it." And also, he gets a detention. How about you, Molybdenum?
molybdenum grabs cesium by the collar of his shirt.
Molybdenum: "Which Throwing Angle hurts Cesium the most?"
molybdenum throws cesium out a window.
Molybdenum: Good news. No more school for the rest of the year. Thank me.
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Francium: I got some more zinc supplements! Wanna see?
Radium: Sure!
francium pops the zinc in his mouth, and he goes into rainbows. radium also takes some zinc.
however, some police see them take the zinc and then they arrest the two elements.
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Neodymium was playing with some neodymium magnets.
Neodymium: Sister, I don't know what to do anymore... I got sued by Neon and I lost my business...
Praseodymium: How about you can go frolic in the woods with me together?
Neodymium: No.
praseodymium goes outside and frolics in the woods, but then a monster grabs her and eats her.
Neodymium: WHAT!?
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Lutetium: I'm one of the only elements that knows how to play an instrument, the flute. I play my flute all the time; I'm a professional flutist.
Praseodymium: Wow, I'm jealous! I wish I could play an instrument. Don't worry, I can sing! I sing all the time while frolicking in the woods.
praseodymium sings, but the stage lights crash down on her.
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Rhodium: Hey! You know what it takes to be a true lady, Ruthenium?
Ruthenium: Yes! A sense of beauty and brains!
Rhodium: Ugh, whatever. To be a true gentleman, you have to come from Rhode Island.
Ruthenium: I'm telling Platinum.
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iridium was skipping around, naked, in the meadow.
You: PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!
osmium catches iridium, naked, and then scolds her for not wearing anything.
Iridium: But I get to feel the breeze on my body!
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Thorium: I'm bored today, Americium. What do you want to do?
Americium: Bully the undiscovered elements!
thorium goes up to ununoctium and punches him.
At Iodide Hospital...
Iodine: Are you alright!?
Ununoctium: No, I just got punched by a kid named Thorium...
Iodine: Hmm... you should drink this!
iodine gives ununoctium the wrong solution, and instead, ununoctium has a seizure.
Iodine: Oops, you're not supposed to drink titanium bromide.
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Cerium: Today, it's time to COOK for ununpentium!
Cerium cooks food that expired a long time ago.
Cerium: Here you go!
ununpentium eats the food and throws up.
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Tellurium: Hello there. My name is Tellurium... I appreciate Chinese culture a lot. I'm even wearing some Chinese clothing right now... how do you think of my qipao?
Selenium: Nice, Tellurium.
Tellurium blushes.
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Next time, on Randomness, will Selenium EVER learn 1 + 1? Will Molybdenum redeem himself? Will Samarium save his family? What will badly injure Praseodymium next time? Why were Radium and Francium arrested? Will Germanium and Silicon create a new phone? Will Beryllium be sarcastic again? Will Erbium ever STOP collecting jewelry? Will Palladium ever defeat the monster that killed y-t-t-r-i-u-m g-i-r-l-s? Is palladium still relevant!?
Ununoctium: no.
Will Gallium EVER stop talking about Georgia?
Find out in the next issue of RANDOMNESS.